PART (2) THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET TO MAKING A MAN WANT YOU...DEN DEN....

CRASH COURSE IN ATTRACTION

 TIP #1: Avoid getting too set in your ways.

  If you want to be the kind of WOMAN that a MAN
desires, then it's time to shake things up a bit. 

  The main issue that most women have in this
area is, they get too set in what they're LOOKING
for. They know the exact kind of man they want,
and they're not even going to waste any time
DATING anyone who doesn't match the picture
they've got in their heads of Mr Right. 

  This is a great way to cheat yourself out of a
LOT of dates, and a LOT of great relationships.

  Challenge yourself. Don't get too comfortable.
Loosen up your ideals a bit and try dating people
'just to see what happens', instead of dating to
'find someone'. 

 There are still things you are being called to
learn and grow from. If you believe you have
reached the pinnacle of your success, you have
nothing left to achieve.

  The minute your life seems to be just the way
you like it, STIR THINGS UP. Do something that
scares you just a little bit.

  Here's another common situation: the situation
where you spend all your time striving to get
things 'just so', and you're not going to be
'happy' UNTIL you get things 'just so'. 

  For example, 'I'm going to be happy when I've
got a great relationship.'

  Or, 'I'll really be able to relax when I get
that payrise.'

  Try this on for size: the point of your life is
NOT to have things just the way you want them.

  The minute everything gets just the way you
want it, something's going to happen and blow your
house of cards to bits.

  It's important for your lifestyle, for your
hope of a great relationship, and for your own
irresistibility, that you keep your life in a
state of FLUX. Don't get too focused on one thing:
the only thing that tunnel vision's good for is
IGNORING everything else that's out there. 

  If you're afraid of change... or afraid of loss...
or afraid of losing a bit of control... then it's
time to face those fears and see them for what
they really are.

  It's not a pretty word, and it's a difficult
one to get your head around ...

  ... It's called INSECURITY.

  Insecurity often manifests itself in an extreme
desire to CONTROL things. 

  The mindset of working to "get" things (and
thus, control) becomes entrenched. You work hard
to get money, which equals financial security. You
work out at the gym to "get" the body you desire,
so your self-esteem is cemented and so you feel
that you can attract a suitable man. 

  It's easy to get into the mindset of
"acquiring" things to improve your life. 

  And most of the time, there's nothing wrong
with that. Working hard to get what you want is a
handy mindset to have, when you're talking about a
career or a possession. 

  But a man is not an acquisition. A man is
something that will turn up in your life when
you're able to RELAX and just chill out - not when
you're hell-bent on controlling your environment,
and DEFINITELY not when you're busy excluding all
sorts of guys from your life because they 'don't
match up'. 

 TIP #2: Set clear boundaries with men.

  Ever heard the phrase 'doormat'?
  It's something that many MANY women turn
themselves into in a vain struggle to become 'more
attractive' to men. 

  Women who are 'doormats' are the ones who give
when they don't actually WANT to give. 

  They do things for others (guys) because they
want to be more desired, more appreciated, and to
create more of a bond. (Hint: this is actually
MANIPULATIVE, although most women don't realize it
at the time.)

  Unfortunately, men can actually TELL when your
actions are rooted in insecurity or fear ... in this
case, a fear that you won't be 'enough' UNLESS you
act a certain way or give a certain thing. 

  And, far from being attractive, it's actually a
MASSIVE turn-off ... and usually results in poor
treatment, LESS of a bond than before, and
significantly decreased respect. (Feelings of
confusion and frustration on both sides are also
common.)

  Fortunately, the antidote is simple: SET CLEAR
BOUNDARIES. Learn the art of being straight-up
with people (and men, in particular), and
recognize that trying to 'get people' to like you
by acting a certain way is MANIPULATIVE and
UNATTRACTIVE ... and will directly contradict all
other efforts to be truly high-quality and
desirable. 

  A good skill to learn is the art of saying 'no'
WITHOUT feeling or creating any awkwardness. 

  For example, if your date calls you up at 7pm
for an 8.30 pm date, and you would feel
inconvenienced by dropping everything to meet him
(as you SHOULD feel, by the way) ...

A 'doormat' would FEEL the inconvenience and
the resentment, but go ahead and meet him anyway,
thus poisoning the evening for both people by
failing to act on her own feelings. Her date then
gets the message that she's the kind of woman
who's afraid of honesty and directness, and
figures that she'll end up being a liability
further down the track. 

  - A quality woman would say, 'Actually, I've
got an early start tomorrow, but I'm free later
this week. Why don't we meet up then at a more
convenient time?' ... and is thus able to stay true
to herself, be honest with her guy, AND enjoy a
date at a time that suits HER. The message her
date gets: 'My life and my priorities are
important to me, but you matter too, so let's
figure out something that suits BOTH of us.' ... and
his respect (and desire) for her GROWS.    Once
you figure out how to set boundaries, and you
actually internalize the fact that the word 'No'
is going to INCREASE the quality of your life (and
your self-respect, your desirability, your energy
levels ...), you're going to start seeing a big
turn-around in the quality and quantity of your
dates, and things will start to happen very
quickly. 

  TIP #3: Come to terms with your past and
your future.

  This is another aspect of your life where the
word 'RESPONSIBILITY' plays a HUGE role in your
day-to-day life, AND your attraction. 

'Baggage' is something that just about
everybody has. However, SOME women allow the
weight of their baggage to actively shape the life
that they're living today, and this translates
into nothing but aggravation and DECREASED quality
in the here-and-now. 

  Your past is part of who you are and what you
have grown into, and while we are shaped by the
events of our past, we are by no means DEFINED by
them ... that is, unless we choose to.

  For example, many women feel 'emotionally
crippled' by previous relationships with men, and
have reached the point where they feel 'unable' or
unwilling to 'try again' with a new man.

  The problem with this is that, once again, your
BELIEFS are creating a NEGATIVE REALITY for you.
You are effectively 'imprisoning yourself' in the
past by forbidding yourself the ability to move
on, to forgive what's happened, and to embrace the
possibilities of right now. 

  Let me tell you a little story ...

  >>>>

  There were two Buddhist monks sitting quietly
together under a tree. After many years of
imprisonment and torture, they had finally been
released from their cells and were free to go. 

  One monk turned to another. 'Have you forgiven
your imprisoners?' he said. 

  The other monk looked appalled. 'Of course
not!' he said. 'How on earth could I ever forgive
them for all the things they did to me?'

  The other monk regarded him calmly. 'Then I
suppose you're still imprisoned,' he said.

  >>>>

  The parable of the monks is similar to your
own, if you're still lugging around baggage from
the past. If you are permitting pain from the past
to shape the reality of your life as it is right
now, then you're in a prison of your own making.
You're CHOOSING to accept the fact that the past
will forever have a hold on you, and that you
would rather LIVE in the past than move on and
live in the NOW. 

  The key is FORGIVENESS (otherwise known as
'moving on'.)

  To forgive means that you make a conscious
decision to STOP giving mental energy to
whatever's happened in the past. It's not about
absolving someone else of responsibility - for
example, if you feel that someone has wronged you,
know that this is not about saying, 'That's OK
that you did this to me.'

  Instead, it's about freeing yourself from the
emotional burden of looking at life from a past
perspective, and admitting to yourself that you
are ready to move on WITHOUT bringing forward
baggage or burdens from 'before'. 

  Only when you are able to relinquish the past
and accept that it's over will you be able to live
fully in the present moment ... and only then will
you be able to recognize and make the most of the
opportunities that present themselves to you each
day. 

  Until you can forgive (read: accept, and move
on), you will still be stuck in the prison of the
past. 

  Equally, while you're on the subject of the
past, it's not going to hurt to turn your mental
gaze the other direction: to the FUTURE.

 If you have no clue where your life is heading,
then I suggest that you spend some time figuring
it out.

  Some women have GREAT ideas for their lives ...
but they change their minds every few months (or
weeks or days). 

  The result?  They never accomplish anything.
They lack the initiative to set a plan of action
to help them achieve.

  Think about it ... if you're an arrow heading for
a target, then suddenly change direction to hit
another target, you're going to run out of steam
and drop to the ground before you manage to hit
ANYTHING.

  Set a goal for yourself, and STICK to it. Start
sticking to your word. Don't lay awake at night
worrying if you made the right decision or whether
you'd like something better. ANY decision is
better than no decision at all!

  If the magnitude of the goal frightens you,
then set smaller goals that move you along in
incremental steps until you know enough to
determine whether that direction is right for you.

  By the way ... smaller goals are a good idea
because you're more likely to achieve them. The
rush of achievement from fulfilling a goal is a
high like no other ... and gradually, as your
confidence grows, you can start to set larger,
more challenging goals.

  But take it one step at a time! Don't rush the
process! 

  For example, it may not be helpful to think to
yourself, 'My goal is to get engaged and married
within the next six months' if right now you are
single and not dating anyone. 

But having a SMALLER goal - one that you know
that you can meet and fulfil, with some effort -
will act as a motivating force in your life, and
will empower you once you've completed it. For
example, 'meeting and dating three men in the next
eight weeks' is much more of a sustainable goal. 

  Once you come to terms with this fact, and are
able to externalize this truth in your day to day
life, your relationships are going to be a lot
happier and healthier!


  ... You'll learn how to assert yourself in a way
that SUPPORTS your irresistibility, how to never
doubt yourself again, how to say goodbye to a low
self-image and low self-esteem, and how to NEVER
be a 'doormat' again. It's quality. 

  With love,

ELIZABETH JOHN

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