Today's subject is 'The Secrets of
ATTRACTION' ... what you have to know before you can
successfully and effortlessly attract a quality
man into your life.
NOTE: This has much less than you think to do
with your LOOKS than it does with who you REALLY
are.
Yes, your looks DO matter - but most women
mistakenly believe that looks are 'everything'. As
a result, they spend endless time building a
wardrobe, putting on makeup, and going to the gym
... and then they're confused when their
relationships never change up a gear.
Something else you may find relevant: there are
plenty of men out there who DO value 'looks' as
literally THE THING that would make them want to
commit to a woman. (Men have actually replied to
commitment-related survey questions that I've sent
out with this answer.)
So if you want to rely on looks alone, that's
OK ... you will get men.
HOWEVER! The men that you DO get will tend to
be the ones who want a 'trophy girlfriend', and as
such, they will be more interested in 'sex' than
they are interested in 'you'. (And you can just
bet that they'll trade in an older, 'dingier'
model for something younger as soon as they feel
it appropriate to do so.)
Bottom line: once again, it all boils down to
QUALITY. If you want a quality man (and
relationship), you've got to BE QUALITY YOURSELF.
Which means, 'multi-faceted' is IN, and 'Barbie
doll' is OUT.
Moving right along ...
So what will flat-out help you to attract the
man (and life) of your dreams right onto your
doorstep?
your ATTITUDE.
Quantum physics (the 'science of possibility')
states that our attitudes and beliefs are what
shape our reality. What's happening INSIDE us is
what determines the situation OUTSIDE of us.
So if you're giving too much air-time to that
Inner Critic who lives inside your head ... or if
you're holding yourself back with artificial,
limiting beliefs about men and love ...
... i.e. 'I'm too old to be attractive', 'I'm
just not pretty enough', 'No-one wants to date a
single mom', and so on ...
... then the Universe will 'hear' you, and -
since the Universe always speaks your language -
that is then the situation that you will create
around you.
BUT, if you can develop an 'attitude of
gratitude' and actually APPRECIATE what you've
got, then very quickly you'll begin to experience
a paradigm shift - not only inside your heart and
mind, but also in your LIFE.
(That's the great thing about quantum physics -
the responsibility is squarely in YOUR lap. Can
anyone say ... EMPOWERING?)
Your attitude about YOURSELF will also manifest
in your life.
For example, if you're acting out insecurity or
low self-image ... for example, by doing things
that, deep down, you're not comfortable doing in
order to 'get' somebody's attention or affection ...
... for example, getting 'physical' quickly in
order to 'get closer' to someone, or agreeing to
an exclusive relationship EVEN WHEN you don't
really want to, because you're unsure of what
other options you might have ...
... then you've got to be aware that those
actions are rooted in FEAR and INSECURITY and will
inevitably come back to bite you on the butt.
Here's the deal: if you have sex before you'd
prefer because you want to 'get something' (a
commitment, some attention, someone to wake up
next to), then you are directly raising your
chances of ending up with a man who is USING YOU
for sex.
Why?
Because the Universe LISTENS to you and
REFLECTS your behaviors right back to you.
In this case, you would actually be using
YOURSELF as a 'tool' to 'get' something out of
someone else. The result is usually that the
people that this manipulative behavior actually
works on are the very same people who are
comfortable doing what you do - i.e. USING YOU.
Part of being a quality woman, and ending up
with the kind of quality man that you REALLY want
and deserve, is developing a little
self-awareness, actually paying some attention to
what's motivating you and what your REAL
INTENTIONS are, and bringing them into line with
who you are.
No falseness, manipulation, or 'faking it' is
required (or permitted) here. BEING quality will
GET YOU quality - there's just no short-changing
yourself in this department.
that you're not inadvertently sliding into false,
'needy', or accidentally-manipulative behavior:
- Don't be on call for him.
- Don't drop all your plans for him.
- Don't sit at home waiting for his text
messages or phone-call.
- Don't ditch your friends for him.
- Don't be the one he calls ONLY when he wants
something.
- Don't accept a 'date' after 10 pm (because by
this stage, it's not a date, it's a booty-call.)
- Don't be fooled by the belief that he will
change for you.
- Don't get led on by that little string of
hope he keeps dangling in front of you.
If you want people in your life to respect you
and genuinely care for you, then you've got to set
the tone. Men (and everyone else) will only think
as well of you as YOU think of yourself, so stop
second-guessing yourself and become your own
biggest fan. To get respect, you've gotta have it
for yourself.
By the way ... alll these things are PART of
being genuinely attractive to a man, but they're
not THE MOST fundamental thing.
I want you to think deeper than what everyone
else is telling you. Think deeper than
"conventional wisdom."
What is the single most FUNDAMENTAL thing that
a man wants in a sexual partner?
Think about it.
What's the one thing he HAS to have?
I can tell you straight off that it isn't
personality. There are plenty of lovely, funny,
and smart SINGLE women out there.
I can also tell you that it isn't looks.
Beautiful women get dumped every day.
Confidence is closer, but I still know shy
timid girls who are deemed desirable.
So what is it?
Get ready for the answer, because it's gonna
blow your mind... THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET TO
MAKING MEN WANT YOU IS ...
...that she's a WOMAN.
That's IT.
Men are attracted to FEMALES, plain and simple.
A WOMAN is someone who's completely different
from him in every way.
A WOMAN is someone who has intuition, is in
touch with her emotions, and can nurture and
support others through life's ups and downs.
A WOMAN is someone that a man can trust to
teach him how to feel, how to love, and how to
live life in its most fullest capacity.
See, you don't have to be a man's "best friend"
to attract him.
(And in fact, forming a 'friendship' with a
man, in the hopes of getting 'more than' down the
track, is a plain bad idea and it rarely works. If
a guy is attracted to you, he'll let you know
about it. And if he's NOT attracted to you, then
no amount of chumming around and being 'friends'
is going to CREATE attraction.)
Men cultivate masculine relationships - a.k.a.
FRIENDSHIPS - to satisfy COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
needs than the ones that they cultivate FEMALE
relationships for.
A man will go to other men to talk tough,
one-up each other, fix stuff (or, depending on
what kind of guy he is, break stuff), tinker
around, and generally wallow in MALENESS.
(That's M-A-L-E-NESS, by the way ... the kind of
'masculinity' he DOESN'T want you around to
witness.)
his hopes and dreams. He'll go to a WOMAN when he
wants to feel loved or nurtured. He will go to a
WOMAN when he wants to feel supported.
He'll go to a WOMAN when he wants the SOFT
TOUCH.
A man wants a woman because she's a WOMAN ... not
because she's his "best friend."
Not because she's "one of the guys," able to
match him shot for shot, or head a soccer ball
better than he can ... and not because she resembles
him in his interests, passions, and abilities.
Unfortunately, a lot of women mistake
'closeness' for ATTRACTION, and try to strike up a
relationship by EMULATING a man ... in the hopes
that 'alike' will create DESIRE.
Here's how it usually goes for most women:
After attracting a man, they get to know him a
little better, and come to a set of conclusions
(based on a semi-knowledge of his personality) of
what sort of woman he would most like to hang out
with.
As a result, they start to make all these
little 'alterations' to their personality. She'll
suddenly start liking HIS music. She'll drink beer
instead of white wine. She'll carve her 20-minute
morning 'wash-and-get-pretty' routine down to 5
minutes because she's 'embarrassed' about taking
care of herself. And she'll start spending more
time hanging out in sports bars, because that's
where he likes to hang out.
Why?
Because she thinks (wrongly, as it turns out)
that he will like her more and WANT HER more if
she more closely resembles HIM, and the (male)
friends he likes to hang out with.
WRONG!!
And before you know it, her original
personality (which incidentally, is what attracted
him in the first place) is GONE. Replaced by a
bizarre replica of the new man in her life.
Has this ever happened to you?
Have you ever been in that situation where a
guy goes to you when he wants to get drunk and be
naughty... but NOT the girl he wants to talk to
about love or his dreams?
This sort of thing happens when a man doesn't
see you as a WOMAN.
In your efforts to become "one of the boys,"
and get closer to him by EMULATING him ...
... as opposed to having your OWN self, your OWN
opinions, and your own LIFE ...
... you actually BECOME 'one of the boys' to him.
That's exactly how he now sees you ... as a
'mate', not as a contender to be The Woman in his
life.
Since the feminism boom, women have been taught
that we can do 'anything.'
We can match the boys in any old area we want
to ... the subtext being, 'and they'll just have to
suck it up.'
'compete' with men, or prove that 'women are equal
to men', that's going to come across as not only
egomaniacal, but also OFF-PUTTINGLY COMPETITIVE.
You can compete with a man, OR you can attract
him. You can't do both.
Now, that's not to say that women are somehow
'less than' than men are, or that we need to take
pains to reign in our brilliance in case we 'put
off the men'.
But it IS to say that when you're basing your
beliefs and actions in a need to 'prove something'
(read: COMPETE), then you can bet that men will
SENSE that about you, and be turned off.
It's true.
And what many women just go TOO FAR in the
whole 'we're just as good as men' concept without
even realizing it. They end up portraying
themselves as 'ball-busters' or 'hard women', and
of course, they then find it extremely difficult
to ALSO be attractive.
Why?
Does that mean that 'success' is 'unattractive'
in a woman?
Well, no. Not unless the kind of guy you're
setting your cap for is ALSO the kind of guy who
has deep-seated 'security issues' about his
masculinity.
What it DOES mean is that if you're succeeding
at something NOT out of a genuine desire to
SUCCEED, but instead are operating out of a desire
to 'win' over MEN, then THAT is what's
unattractive ... because it's UNFEMININE. It's
competitive, it's not sexy, and it's just not
attractive.
So if you want to compete with a guy, fine ...
but don't expect to have him eating out of the
palm of your hand as soon as business hours are
over.
In the process of trying to make themselves
more 'liberated' and gain all of the freedoms that
men have, many women have, in the eyes of the
guys, essentially BECOME MEN.
They've embraced their masculine
'competitiveness' over their femininity, in the
belief that this is what's required to get what
you want in life.
They've managed to squash the very feminine
essence that makes them attractive to men!
QUICK NOTE: When you start comparing yourself
with the opposite sex, you are setting yourself up
for trouble!
And by the way ...
There's no threshold that you cross over that
qualifies you as the 'feminine' kind of woman that
men are attracted to.
PROCESS. You're going to continue learning more
about what it means to be a woman until the day
you die.
TO BE CONTINUED....
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