addressed before.
How are you meant to keep the spark going with
a woman once you've created it in the first place?
Enough with the 'CREATING attraction' stuff for
once - I think we've built up quite enough
momentum there for now.
The truth of the matter is that a balanced life
consists of 'dating' AND - eventually -
relationships, and I know for a FACT that a lot of
the readers of this article are interested in
more than just how to CREATE attraction.
And granted, you definitely can't proceed to
ANY level of success until you've got an idea of
how to create that all-important sensation known
as ATTRACTION with a woman ...
... but the flipside of this is that there's
really no point in creating it in the first place
unless you know what to DO with it once you've GOT
it.
We've spent enough time on the preliminaries.
Today I'd like to deal with a question that's
highly relevant to your future of success with
women ...
... the question of: HOW DO YOU HOLD THAT SPARK?
Once you've created it, what are you meant to
do to SUSTAIN it?
The thing is, the 'rules' for creating
attraction in the first place are TOTALLY
DIFFERENT from the 'rules' for MAINTAINING IT.
All the stuff you do to 'get something going'
with a woman is almost completely redundant once
you're actually in a relationship with her.
And it doesn't even matter what the basis of
that relationship IS. You could be casually dating
each other ... or you could be in an exclusive
relationship. Doesn't matter. Once you've got
something going, you've gotta take steps to make
sure that things STAY as good as they were in the
beginning.
If you and your loved one have lost your way,
there are tiny little text messages you can use
to get her back into your life and reawaken the
passion and romance.
Now the real question is: HOW DO YOU HOLD THE
SPARK?
First things first: an all-essential
preventative measure. For heavens sake, DON'T
PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT.
This is where the question of honesty comes
into play. As far as advice goes, this one sounds
about as revolutionary as being told to eat your
fruit and veg ... but you know what?
If you don't eat your veggies, you'll most
likely die an untimely death, at the (premature)
end of a short and unhealthy life.
Just bear with me for a second
... think of this like an analogy of what a
relationship with a woman will be like if you
aren't HONEST with her: short, unhealthy, riddled
with disease, and ultimately DEAD BEFORE ITS TIME.
Not to mention pretty damn uncomfortable to
live through.
Here's why: relationships can't live without
attraction, yes? Attraction is basically the
lifeblood of any relationship. Without it, things
are just gonna shrivel up and blow away in the dry
sandy wind of We Have No Sex.
But even if you ACT like the most ATTRACTIVE
MAN IN THE WORLD - even if you take on the role of
the dude who's better than her WILDEST DREAMS -
know what?
It's not sustainable. Sooner or later the 'real
you' is going to shine through, and THEN what do
you think's going to happen?
Unless you've got a terminal case of the
Shortsighteds, you MUST be able to see that she's
going to be put RIGHT OFF YOU the second she
figures out that the 'you' she was attracted to
has all the life and vivacity of a blow-up doll ...
and she's going to be insulted, sad, MAD ... and
(most importantly) running out the door just as
fast as she can.
And hey, even if she WANTED to forgive you -
even if she was ABLE TO - it really wouldn't make
a hell of a lot of difference ... because her
ATTRACTION for you would be about as dead as that
old blow-up doll that somebody's popped with a
pin.
Pffffft ....
... GONE.
And attraction is one of those strange things
that people - women IN PARTICULAR - really have no
control over. Once you've done something to screw
it up, she CAN'T feel attraction for you, even if
she WANTS TO.
Here's WHY this kind of behavior is an
attraction killer.
You might be thinking, "So, I put on a little
act to get her to like me. So what? Surely she'll
be so attached to me by now that it won't even
make any difference."
NOPE!
Wrooooooong.
Wrong, wrong, WRONG.
Let's look at this dispassionately, in the cold
hard light of reality.
WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE DO YOU THINK IT SENDS WHEN
YOU ACT LIKE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT IN ORDER TO 'GET'
A WOMAN?
Seriously.
What kind of self-respecting dude would twist
himself up into a completely new configuration,
just for the sake of pleasing someone else?
Essentially, the message you're sending here
is:
'I want love and affection and sex from you so
badly that I'm willing to compromise my absolute
truth and self-respect in order to get it. I'm
perfectly willing to pretend to be someone I'm not
in order to gain your approval, because I, as an
individual, am NOT GOOD ENOUGH to get your liking
on my own merit. Oh please please like me!'
By pretending to be someone you're not to get
her to like you, you're proving to her that you've
got no self-respect and NO value as a man.
And BAM! ...
... there goes the attraction.
PREVENTATIVE MEASURES, gentlemen. Make a note
of it.
But ... what happens if you've 100% 'been
yourself', and a few days or weeks or months into
things, she's STILL giving you the "I'm just not
feeling it any more" line?
Well, that's a whole different kettle of fish.
Here's the deal: when things go stale in a
relationship where, on the SURFACE, everything
SEEMS to be great ... you were both REALLY attracted
to each other (at least at the start) ...you get
along great, you have a lot in common ...
... but somehow, SOMEHOW, the passion and the
'spark' just seem to be waning ...
...she's losing interest ...
...she's becoming more DISTANT ...
... things are getting rocky, and you DON'T KNOW
WHY or WHAT TO DO...
... it usually means one of two things is
happening.
- 1. You've given away your power and have
turned into Mr Nice Guy and she's totally not into
that. (I.e. you're being wimpy, not powerful, not
MASCULINE ...
- 2. One of you is not being totally honest and
direct with the other one about something.
Usually, when this happens, it happens because
someone's done something that the other person
doesn't like.
... But of course, most people are afraid to
'rock the boat' and actually SPEAK UP when
something happens that they're not happy with ...
... and so nothing happens, the resentments build
up, and before you know it - BANG!
The passion's dead and the relationship's
dying.
Obviously, the prevention/cure for this is
strongly reminiscent of what I was talking about
just before: it's called BEING HONEST.
And yes, it's a little scary telling a woman
you're REALLY INTO that whatever it is she's just
said or done is something that's not really
working for you ...
... which is why we can ALSO call it 'Being A
MAN.'
Because MEN - the kind of men that women get,
and STAY, attracted to - aren't afraid to deal
openly and honestly with challenges ...
... challenges like actually SAYING SOMETHING
when they're annoyed or upset or not happy with
the way things are going.
RADICAL HONESTY is sometimes necessary.
And let's get something straight here. When I
say, 'radical honesty', I'm talking about being
honest about how things REALLY are for you.
(Note: 'radical honesty' in this context does
NOT mean 'telling her that her ass looks big in
those jeans.')
So: be HONEST about how it's all going.
If she's irritating you, call her up on it.
If she's acting out, call her up on it.
If she's done something that's offended you or
that's given you pause or that you wish she
wouldn't do again, TELL HER.
If something is bothering you, for God's sake
be a real man and say something. Don't just let it
slide. A lack of real, open, and totally direct
communication is the NUMBER-ONE KILLER of great
relationships and sizzling-hot fun between men and
women who are OTHERWISE very much into each other.
If you don't deal with things AS AND WHEN THEY
OCCUR, you're hammering giant RAILROAD SPIKES into
the coffin of your attraction to this woman (and
of hers to you, too.)
Deal with problems as they crop up.
Don't wait until it gets 'bad enough', or until
things are so desperate that you have no choice
but to talk about it.
The alternative is the UNTIMELY DEATH of the
spark between you and her.
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